The Music of Summer

Hi! Did you miss me? I missed me, too. I refrained from updating this blog during the summer kasi it's quite a hassle, and I haven't really been feeling up to the task. Anyhow, I managed to think up a lot of entry-worthy thoughts (a mon avis) during the summer, but I guess they won't make it to this joint anytime soon.

I loved the summer break gone by. A lot of things happened to me for the first time, and a lot of realizations came to me, and most of all, I felt really free and careless. It was a summer of sunflowers, of staring all day at my plants and watching toothcarp, of windy days and super-starry nights. I ate a lot of food (and even managed to get myself poisoned...imagine that! It was the first time something like that actually affected me, and I somehow felt disappointed kasi vulnerable din pala sa poisons ang halimaw sa tiyan ko), sang a lot of Imago songs (their songs make me feel light yet melancholy, kinda like boarding a plane that you know is bound to crash somewhere. What I really love, however, are the guitarists. Their music makes me feel like they're distilling their lives into their instruments. Parang kumakanta na yung mga gitara by themselves.) And one starry night, I went to the rooftop and drank Mule while staring at the constellations. Nice.

What I really love about that summer, however, is the feeling that I will miss it gravely someday. I have a hunch that, when I 'm in my late thirties or early forties, I will look back on the memories of that summer and feel sorry that I got too enmeshed in the world's affairs that I let other similar summers pass me by. Sad.

I finally found Jo-ann, by the way. My instincts were right on the jackpot: she was indeed pregnant at the time I was dreaming of her a lot. Anyhow, she's got a five-month old baby now, and she's okay. We're arranging to be able to see each other soon in order for me to reprimand her ("Bitch! I told you to be safe if you can't be good!") and beat her silly. Nah, I wouldn't do such a thing kahit na the protective side of me wants to. What's done is done, and though Jo may have lost a little bit of the humour that I so valued in her, she's gained a lot of wisdom of an exquisite quality that can only come with motherhood. Yeba.

I don't know why naipasok si Jo-ann. I guess, katulad nung summer na nagdaan, wala na rin akong choice kundi tanggapin yung childish phase niya as a part of the past, and move on to a phase in our friendship that is deeper and more mature. Senti nga kami, eh, I called her up and almost cried when I heard her voice. Kung wala lang maraming tao, hahaha. A lot of my orgmates asked me why I couldn't rest easy until I found her during the time na I was worrying myself sick about her probable condition, but that's really just the way it is: if you want to have a friend for life, you have to be one first. And it follows that kapag may friend kang nahiwalay from you by an immense span of distance, real or imaginary, you have to do what you can to keep in touch.

Oh, well. For now, I have a lot of things, issues, feelings, and relationships to settle. Pasensiya na kung may mga misspelt na salita o mali-maling grammar, ang pangit kasi ng keyboard sa net cafe na it o, and I really am not in the mood to wax emotional or something.

Well, here's an excerpt of a poem that seems aptly suited to this feeling:

"Ah, when to the heart of man

Was it ever less than a treason

To go with the drift of things,

To yield with a grace to reason,

And bow and accept the end

of a love or season?"

Robert Frost, Reluctance

Hay.