The brother of "La Danse Des Morts..."

I am posting "Dear Jolly Roger", the brother of "La Danse des Morts". I made this a long, long, long time ago, and then stashed it somewhere. Finally, it reappeared on the coffee table in Bulacan the weekend before last, and I read it again, and I found that it made me happy.

If you don't like hate poems, then I strongly advise that you not read this. This poem was initially supposed to be a commentary on how the Jolly Roger has such a happy-sounding name and yet is a symbol of death and doom (a most cruel irony, I think), and yet I found that the motive was twisted while I was writing it, and this came out. For some reason, all my poems of the time turned out this way. Hahahahahaha.

Dear Jolly Roger

Dear Jolly Roger, tell me why
Your arms are crossed today;
Who hurt you (now, what fool would try)?
Who made you scowl that way?

Dear Jolly Roger, what's the plan?
You seem engaged in thought.
How do you plan to strike the man,
The one that you just fought?

Dear Jolly Roger, what a shame...
Your (two-syllable expletive) friend is dead.
His last word was...it was your name;
That's what the neighbors said.

Dear Jolly Roger, tell me this:
Why do you laugh that way?
What was the joke it seems I missed,
The one that made your day?

Dear Jolly Roger, please disclose
The secrets that you keep
With each day my interest grows,
And it's robbing me of sleep.

Dear Jolly Roger, now I see
You killed him, did you not?!
Some small talk, then a drinking spree,
And then you sliced his gut!

Dear Jolly Roger, is it true?
You're innocent, you said?
'Cause none will tell me, no one knows;
And those who do- are dead.

Going (Senti) Mental

Everyone thinks I'm Luffy.

If you don't know, Luffy is an ambitious, wide-eyed, wide-mouthed anime character with a penchant for skull-bashing and wisecracking. Nothing frazes or unnerves him, and he has this tendency to go rushing into things, regardless of the risks. And, at the end of it all, he still manages to smile.

For a while, I kinda liked being compared to Luffy. Luffy and I share the same good traits, you see: high ambitions, friends and family as one of the foremost priorities, optimism, bloodlust. I liked it that, like Luffy (who has an elastic rubber body), no one could escape my punches, kicks, or both (having long limbs is an advantage). I also found some solace in the fact that I make other people laugh by just being me (regardless of the negative implications). It was all fun and jokes then, and I didn't mind.

But things are quite different now. I feel restricted by my image. You see, whenever I chance upon friends/acquaintances and they see that I'm nowhere near my usual jolly self, they dish out comments like, "Oi, Kuya Arpee, magpatawa ka naman.", and I get pissed off even more. It just feels weird to not be able to get angry or sad or serious or intellectual when you feel like it just because other people feel that you should always be comical and jesting. It makes me feel trapped. And, in the end, I find that I have to give in despite my feelings telling me otherwise because the ones who tell me to do so are my friends, and yes, maybe they don't know me well, but they're still my friends, so boohoo.

Hmm...I'm ranting and not making any sense at the same time, am I not?

(I guess that's the reason why I named this blog "Seeing True", and why I still update it every now and then. It's become sort of a respite from the insanity of the world, to which I refuse to submit. All the things I can't say because these will do more harm than good, I post here. Emotional dump site pala ito.)

I don't want to drop the Luffy image. Like I said before, it's a part of who I am. It's just that I wish other people would stop confining me to just the Luffy image and allow the other parts of me to emerge; the parts that feel sad and hopeful and hateful, and all else in between. The Sanji, Zorro, Chopper, Usopp, Nico, Nami, and Gold Roger parts. Because as much as I would like to be just (like) Luffy, I am not two-dimensional.