The mood these days...
The mood these days has largely been a very contemplative and laid-back one. I haven't been able to write anything serious because of two things: first, I lack the requisite sadness and moroseness which I need to fuel me whenever I attempt to delve into the mysteries of this life, and second, I've just been really busy catching up on sleep (so much that I've taken other events for granted, but what the heck). As regards the first tenet, it's not that there isn't anything to be sad about in my life these days; I'm just choosing to not be sad about certain things and people. Life is short, and if the number of hours I spent awake were to be wasted on mulling over the substandard lives of cretins around me, then it would also be miserable.
Christmas was the best Christmas ever (or at least the best one in a long time). I loved it that our family was together again, complete, for the first time in years (it's been so long since we have been complete because Diko always spends the holidays in some distant parish, and we always have to make do with calls in the middle of the night just to greet each other and say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy New Year".) We had Christmas dinner about an hour early, but it was cool. The food was very satisfying, but what appealed to me more were: 1) I wasn't wasted from cooking so I was able to enjoy a hearty meal, and 2) it's been so long since I felt any semblance of the Christmas spirit in our domicile.
My brother dragged me (yes, you read it right: dragged is the operative term) to hear Mass on Christmas day, and the circumstances leading to the climactic event went something like so:
Diko: have you heard Mass, Carlo?
RC: Later. Six-thirty.
Diko: Okay. Have you heard Mass, Arpee?
RP: Err...later. Six-thirty.
Diko: Get dressed. You're coming with me. NOW.
And I gave in because it's Chritsmas, for Pete's sake.
And then somewhere in between getting dressed and leaving for Church:
RP: I guess my religion is one area of my life where we will always be at odds, isn't it?
Diko: You are choosing it to be that way, it seems, so yes. Why so?
RP: Because religion is different from spirituality, and I consider myself more spiritual than religious. They are just rites anyway, and rites are constructs.
Diko: Yes, but you were initiated into the Roman Catholic faith, so beofre you are able to claim any semblance of a personal God, you have to show me first that you are capable of the basics of faith.
RP: But rituals compound faith by attempting to express something intangible in the realm of human affairs.
Diko: True enough, but still...show me. Tell me honestly: are you abandoning the faith?
RP: No. On the contrary, I feel like I'm growing more into it, which is why I no longer see the necessity for such extravagant displays of fealty. You know, the last time I went to confession, the confessor told me that he was appalled at my sins because my brother is a priest and my mother is a very religious person.
Diko: My being a priest has always been accidental to you.
RP: Is that a sarcastic remark, or a declarative comment?
Diko: You interpret it however you may wish. The thing about it is, I never asked you to attend to the rituals of the faith as a priest, but as your brother.
RP: Precisely, and I appreciate that, and the thing about it is why should other people pressure me into something I'd rather not do wholeheartedly when you yourself don't make any such demand on me?
And then I forgot. But this really happened, and I was really happy, because I love talking to my brother about things like these (he's the only person I'd readily make concessions to). That, and the fact that Carlo and Ditse kept joking all the while that their noses were bleeding. Ahaha.
Anyhow, what else?
Oh, yeah. Sex. The act. I was thinking about it yesterday (because some things in life tend to repeat themselves until a lesson is learned), and here now is my final say on the matter: Virgins don't gain anything from sex, but they don't lose anything either. It's more like stasis, a state of equilibrium. So I guess it was wrong of me to think that virgins are above others , but it's also wrong of non-virgins to think that they're better off (this because I really find it uncomfortable whenever I find myself confronted by talks of sex and the like...I just feel really harrassed).
What else, what else?
Oh. And relationships: friendships, romantic ones, what-have-yous: A true relationship, in my honest opinion, is one where neither one has to make concessions, but both are able to compromise. I was mulling about this earlier on in the day because someone made me feel like I was making too many concessions, and for what I don't really know. What we have is not even romantic, so why the hell should I feel this way? More importantly, why the hell should that person make me feel this way? Too many secrets, I think, though the lies are too blatant. And I see through lies very easily. Blame it on my byakugan. I'm not angry or anything, just pondering and evaluative.
I guess that's that. I just finished uploading a new playlist. That's that for now.
Christmas was the best Christmas ever (or at least the best one in a long time). I loved it that our family was together again, complete, for the first time in years (it's been so long since we have been complete because Diko always spends the holidays in some distant parish, and we always have to make do with calls in the middle of the night just to greet each other and say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy New Year".) We had Christmas dinner about an hour early, but it was cool. The food was very satisfying, but what appealed to me more were: 1) I wasn't wasted from cooking so I was able to enjoy a hearty meal, and 2) it's been so long since I felt any semblance of the Christmas spirit in our domicile.
My brother dragged me (yes, you read it right: dragged is the operative term) to hear Mass on Christmas day, and the circumstances leading to the climactic event went something like so:
Diko: have you heard Mass, Carlo?
RC: Later. Six-thirty.
Diko: Okay. Have you heard Mass, Arpee?
RP: Err...later. Six-thirty.
Diko: Get dressed. You're coming with me. NOW.
And I gave in because it's Chritsmas, for Pete's sake.
And then somewhere in between getting dressed and leaving for Church:
RP: I guess my religion is one area of my life where we will always be at odds, isn't it?
Diko: You are choosing it to be that way, it seems, so yes. Why so?
RP: Because religion is different from spirituality, and I consider myself more spiritual than religious. They are just rites anyway, and rites are constructs.
Diko: Yes, but you were initiated into the Roman Catholic faith, so beofre you are able to claim any semblance of a personal God, you have to show me first that you are capable of the basics of faith.
RP: But rituals compound faith by attempting to express something intangible in the realm of human affairs.
Diko: True enough, but still...show me. Tell me honestly: are you abandoning the faith?
RP: No. On the contrary, I feel like I'm growing more into it, which is why I no longer see the necessity for such extravagant displays of fealty. You know, the last time I went to confession, the confessor told me that he was appalled at my sins because my brother is a priest and my mother is a very religious person.
Diko: My being a priest has always been accidental to you.
RP: Is that a sarcastic remark, or a declarative comment?
Diko: You interpret it however you may wish. The thing about it is, I never asked you to attend to the rituals of the faith as a priest, but as your brother.
RP: Precisely, and I appreciate that, and the thing about it is why should other people pressure me into something I'd rather not do wholeheartedly when you yourself don't make any such demand on me?
And then I forgot. But this really happened, and I was really happy, because I love talking to my brother about things like these (he's the only person I'd readily make concessions to). That, and the fact that Carlo and Ditse kept joking all the while that their noses were bleeding. Ahaha.
Anyhow, what else?
Oh, yeah. Sex. The act. I was thinking about it yesterday (because some things in life tend to repeat themselves until a lesson is learned), and here now is my final say on the matter: Virgins don't gain anything from sex, but they don't lose anything either. It's more like stasis, a state of equilibrium. So I guess it was wrong of me to think that virgins are above others , but it's also wrong of non-virgins to think that they're better off (this because I really find it uncomfortable whenever I find myself confronted by talks of sex and the like...I just feel really harrassed).
What else, what else?
Oh. And relationships: friendships, romantic ones, what-have-yous: A true relationship, in my honest opinion, is one where neither one has to make concessions, but both are able to compromise. I was mulling about this earlier on in the day because someone made me feel like I was making too many concessions, and for what I don't really know. What we have is not even romantic, so why the hell should I feel this way? More importantly, why the hell should that person make me feel this way? Too many secrets, I think, though the lies are too blatant. And I see through lies very easily. Blame it on my byakugan. I'm not angry or anything, just pondering and evaluative.
I guess that's that. I just finished uploading a new playlist. That's that for now.
posted by Ryuujin at 12:08 AM
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